Have you ever noticed how confident you feel in one meeting… and completely unsure of yourself in another?

You can speak freely with peers.
You feel relaxed and your body language is open.

Then a certain person walks into the room be it a senior leader, a dominant colleague, and suddenly:

You overthink.
You hesitate.
Your voice changes.

It feels like your confidence just disappeared.

But it didn’t.

Confidence is not a fixed trait

We tend to think of confidence as a personality characteristic.
Something you either “have” or “don’t have.”

But confidence is not fixed.

It’s contextual.

More specifically, it’s physiological.

Confidence is the natural expression of a regulated nervous system.

When your nervous system feels safe, you can:

  • Think clearly

  • Speak with ease

  • Stay present under pressure

When it detects threat, even subtle social threat, your body shifts into protection mode.

And protection mode is not designed for confident self-expression.
It’s designed for survival.

What actually happens in the body?

Your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment for cues of safety or danger. This happens below conscious awareness.

Certain people can unconsciously register as “threat” because they represent:

  • Authority

  • Evaluation

  • Rejection

  • Competition

  • Past experiences of criticism or dismissal

When that happens, your system may shift into:

Fight → defensiveness, sharp tone
Flight → overexplaining, rushing, anxiety
Freeze → blank mind, inability to speak
Fawn → people-pleasing, self-doubt, shrinking

None of these responses mean you are incompetent.

They mean your nervous system is protecting you.

What you can do when your voice tightens or you start doubting yourself?

I. Take a slower breath. 

A longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is the part responsible for regulation and social engagement.

How to do it:

  • Inhale naturally through your nose.

  • Exhale slowly through your mouth for 1–2 seconds longer than your inhale.

  • Repeat 3–5 times.

Don’t force it. Just slow it.

II. Ground Through the Feet

When we feel socially threatened, energy often rises upward (shows up as a tight chest and racing thoughts).

Grounding brings awareness back into the body.

How to do it (while seated or standing):

  • Press your feet gently into the floor.

  • Feel the support underneath you.

  • Slightly straighten your spine without forcing posture.

This increases stability and embodiment which directly supports confident expression.

III. Orienting to Safety (30–60 seconds)

When you enter a room that activates you, your nervous system narrows its focus toward threat.

Orienting gently tells your body: I am safe right now.

How to do it:

  • Slowly look around the room.

  • Notice 3 neutral or pleasant objects (a plant, light from the window, a notebook).

  • Let your eyes land on something steady for 5–10 seconds.

  • Take one slow exhale.

This shifts your system from hypervigilance to presence.

It’s subtle. No one will notice you doing it.

If you need any further support, explore my services ✅

I am happy to create a tailored individual program which will help reduce stress and boost your confidence.

With kindest regards,
Daria